The End of Suffering

This is The End of Suffering available on canvas print in my shop:

I still struggle to share my artwork. I struggle to believe in myself as an artist. Sometimes I even terrify myself the days and hours before posting because I’m afraid of what people will think- I’m afraid I’m not good enough. The night before finishing this piece I felt particularly inadequate and almost hopeless about my art. 

I only slept a few hours because my worries kept me up. 

This artwork was going to be called Gethsemane but I chose a different name. The moments before sharing this turned out to be a tender mercy to me.

I was tired from little sleep the night before.

I wanted a meaningful title for this moment of Jesus’ earthly mission during what may have been his biggest struggle- where he gives his all in the Garden of Gethsemane. I tried to show him weighed down by the burdens of the world, his feeling alone in this darkest of nights. His eyes glistening with tears of emotion.

This is near the end of Jesus’ mortal life. Gethsemane being the dark and lonely night that comes before the awful storms of his last days. 

Matt. 26:36-39 “Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder. 

“And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy. Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.

This artwork may as well have been titled Tarry Ye Here or Watch With Me. These both speak to Jesus’ desire to be with his friends during the hardest time of his life.

“And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. 

Notice, in the artwork that even though he is in the dark of night there is light shining on Jesus. 

“When he had prayed, a mighty angel came down… and speaking to him, strengthened him.”

After having felt so hopeless about posting this artwork, a glimmer of light brought me hope again in everything I am doing.

I screen record my process of creating the art so that I can show how it evolves. I use a technology that captures my explanations and it can even give a summary of what I say and title the video with a summary title. 

One of the videos had somehow named itself, ‘The End of Suffering,’ even though I always have my mic muted. I knew this was the title. The art seemed to have named itself. 

I realized that Jesus entered the Garden of Gethsemane to ‘end our suffering.’ 

I felt that God is aware of my heart. God knows me- even in my small struggle. God is the end of suffering.

My struggle to share and believe in my art may be a small thing- but God knows me.